Can cheaters change?

[djbenny]

no coz my now ex chgeated on my repeatedly n stupidly i gave her another chance but she did it again..... n she kept saying she was going to change etc etc to that i say BS!

[Bon]

I have an awful lot to say on this subject and probably most would not want to read it all. My thoughts come from experience and talking with friends. There are a lot of whys and wherefores regarding this subject.

Age is a very large factor regarding cheating. IMO, a person who cheats when very young most probably will not cheat when they "grow up" and/or mature.

Some who cheat really want out of a marriage or relationship but are either too chicken to call it quits or they can't afford to leave their spouse. Thus they use this as their escape hatch. These are very unhappy people. Escape is the name of the game with this one.

I have actually seen some marriages where one brief fling brought the married couple back together again and they stayed together, faithful, for 20 plus year and are still going strong. There was no telling the other one about the affair. I'll take a stab at the logic of this and use the often used by saying "the grass looks greener on the other side of the street". Or, perhaps, put it another way by saying that they "think" they are missing something and here they were not missing anything at all.

I fully believe that anyone will cheat given the right circumstance, the right place, the right time. I don't think this happens too often but it can and does. This has nothing to do with love. My girlfriend just about had this happen to her. Her husband was away at schooling for his job for 6 months. They had two children. She was staying at another friend's home and it was there where it nearly happened. She was lonely, vulnerable, working full time and taking care of the kids by herself and one night it was just a whisper in her ear by her friend's husband and that just about did it. She was full of guilt (even though nothing happened but she had thought about it) and talked to me about it the next day. She immediately wanted to confess her guilt to her husband about what just happened and I advised her not to. She didn't tell. It wasn't until we talked about this, that she realized how vulnerable she was and she did not allow herself to be in that situation again. How did things to? She let go of all the guilt of almost cheating, she and her husband had another child, and 20 years later and to this day (I'm guessing at the years here) she never, ever thought of cheating again. I think the REAL cheater in all this is the husband of my friend's girlfriend. All this about happened while his wife was asleep in another room. This sucks.

A side note to the above true story: As I said she had two kids and her husband was still out of state. Her boss gave her two free tickets to terrific seats to see the St. Louis Blues. She offered the tickets to us. Awk, I had seen enough hockey lately plus there was nothing but ice and snow outside but my husband was a hockey fan freak. So, I sent my husband with this "almost" cheater to the hockey game together and I babysat her kids. They did not get home until after 3:30 AM. Was I worried? Not one bit. When they did get back, they said they stopped for something to eat after the game and that's why they were late. My reply: Good, my husband remembered his manners. See, I don't think she really wanted to cheat - she was more in need to companionship - the healthy kind that doesn't hurt others.

On a personal note:

To this day, I believe if I had one brief fling during my first marriage that it would have actually prevented a divorce that just should not have happened. To this day he has been the only man in my life that I have truly loved. If you want to know why I think the fling would have saved this marriage of mine, pm me - I feel it's too graphic for an open forum.

Moving on:

My 2nd marriage was unreal. I married on the rebound, had a 7 year old and needed stability and support - mainly money support. I stuck it out with this jerk for 16 years................ then I cheated on him............. many, many times. Guilt? H*ll no. I finally got the guts to walk out on him and got a legal separation. Technically, even after the legal separation, all affairs I had would be considered cheating. I was done with him and didn't care. All this cheating - one h*ll of a lot of it - saved my sanity. To this day I feel no guilt.

Enough said.

[Bon]

Originally Posted by adrianze

REQUEST: an IP check on member "Bon"

MOTIVATION: Too many revealations on one night

SUPPORTING DATA:

and

CURRENT ANALYSIS: This can't be our Bon

GOAL: To prove or disprove that member is using a Toledo based ISP (and an uncapped modem) [forgive me Muerte]

You are just too funny. That is a riot.

I swear to you that what I said is the truth and nothing but the absolute truth.

I have never claimed to be Ms. Innocent (because I can't). How do you think I think I know so much about some things? Huh? Huh?

I've been around the block a time or 2 or 3 or 4 - check with Mike or check with Reaper or even No_way. They have known me for years (not biblically) - shoot with you around I have to make myself very clear in what I say.

Was it on here or WD when I was planning to fly to Las Vegas and meet up with a man on here who has a private membership? Why the heck not go? He's not married, involved, etc. etc. and I am now widowed (both husbands gone) and we are both waaaayy over 21. Meeting up with someone does not necessarily mean the same thing as sleeping with them. Last part of this sentence is directed to the younger members to differentiate between the two - "meeting up with and sleeping with."

About the "too graphic for an open forum" and the reasons why I think a fling would have saved that marriage - too mature for young ones IMO. Must be accompanied by an adult.

On a serious note, how can one help out others in areas like this if they have not had the real life experience? The pitfalls and possible hurt could be devistating to some and this, my friend as you well know, cannot be learned in books.

Where's the darn spell checker on this thing?

Mr. A - you just may cause me to take up drinking.

[No_way]

On a serious note, how can one help out others in areas like this if they have not had the real life experience? The pitfalls and possible hurt could be devistating to some and this, my friend as you well know, cannot be learned in books.

I have nothing to add to that. That's the truth.

And the question; Can cheaters change?
Yes

[Redbear]

Once a cheater always a cheater..I been with Uni fer 12 years and never once have I kissed or held another womans hand..

basically cuz if she ever found out..she would cut my pecker off and glue it to my forehead and mount said noggin on the wall and she would have a New Unicorn in the house

[baldie3006]

They can change if it is for the right reason.

[xhuga2]

Originally Posted by baldie3006

They can change if it is for the right reason.

And what can be classified as "right" reason?

[soldat32]

Once a cheater,always a cheater.....plain and simple.Cheaters always have some pathetic excuse for their actions and generally always end up doing it again.

[Appleton]

sorry but i believe it depends on the person. Kind of like saying can somone stop smoking. all depends on their will power and mental strength.