What do you think...

**xtroublex** · 06-18-2008, 10:44 PM

Here's the deal,My wife and I have known each other for 27 years and have been married for what will be 16 years this Dec 08. We are always asked how we manage to stay together so long and why we still like each other.

When I say "like each other", I mean we just like to hang out. We also work together and carpool. Did I mention we have lunch together also?

Anyway, We are always asked constantly for advice and we help where we can and most of the time our advice turns out ok.

Here's the question.

My wife suggested we start a forum where people discuss relationships. We would give our opinions but others would be there to give input as well. I'm not sure if this is a good idea or not so I decided to throw it out to you guys and kick it around a bit!

Thanks
X

**LadyPucksMa** · 06-19-2008, 11:27 PM

I have learned that 99% of people asking for advise, are REALLY looking for reinforcement of their preset feelings/opinions. They will ask & discuss until they find someone who agrees with them & tells them exactly what they want to hear.
Usually when given a productive positive direction, they spat back in arguement; reasons why your advise won't work. They continue martyr behaviors, (woe is me) seeking advice of others, until someone chants back what they want to hear. They don't want to change. Their failure to change prohibits growth both personal & in relationships. They are stuck in the mud of their own stagnancy; become so malignant that they look for fault in those who love them the most, especially family members. Your sound & good advise, may sting them and rather than do the good intended they bite back at you or the very best advise that can help them grow to a new level.
Just look around the web, TV & in magizines to read the evidence of the those who appear to want advise. Read their responses. They twist & spin more 'can nots' than "gee-what a eye opener, I'll try that..."
If you don't care that they you will be called every name under the sun, and if you like to be flamed, blasted and argued with-- then a relationship forum might be fun for you.
In behavioral & mental health nursing practice we use evidence base versus theory. Research it you'll see...
People rarely seek relationship advise to follow, instead they seek confirmation of the other being at fault.
It's human behavior. Happy balanced people discuss & grow, they don't seek advice, they nourish themselves through healthy relationships, always willing to explore new levels. Unbalanced relationships are a result of unhappy people who whine their woes, seek advice but refuse to change.
If I were you I'd make it a forum to share successes not whines! Discuss stories of happy endings, new territory & great things to share & grow on. My favorite saying is 'Grow out of the Groaning".